ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
