I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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