she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
