Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
