am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
