I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
