Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
