Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
