dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
