Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
