If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
