Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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