This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
soo... how was my night?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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