i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
