what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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