can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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