this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
