She is in my trunk
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
