You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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