I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
