the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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