D3 body, D1 cock
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
