rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
