I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
