im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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