we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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