If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
