anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
