Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
This is my gift to your gina
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
