Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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