College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
