you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
