i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
