Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
