he puts the penis in happiness.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
