We named our party play list daddy issues
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
