if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
