Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
