The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
