the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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