Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
