Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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