great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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