now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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