I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
