I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
