i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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