Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
