just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
