I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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